Ever wonder why we wait 35 minutes in the drive-thru to get a coffee from Tim Hortons? I have a theory – The Canadian goverment is using the donut chain to subversively take over their neighbors to the south (us).
But why, you might ask? Well, did you know that Tim Horton (real name was Miles) was a huge Toronto Mapleleafs hockey star? And later in his career, he was traded to the Buffalo Sabres? It was while playing for the Sabres that he was killed in an auto accident on his way back to Toronto.
The Canadians have never forgiven us for that. Why else was Buffalo, the first stop in their domination of the U.S. coffee market? Hmmm?
Now there have been rumors of special ingredients in their “liquid crack” coffee. Since this is a reputable blog, I won’t speculate on such rumors. But, with the help of Cranks pathology lab, I will prove once and for all, that there is a reason why we keep going back for more of this stuff and it ain’t to roll up and win. More to come…
This reminds me of a story my grandfather told me about his fist game he ever went to at the Maple leaf Gardern. It was tim Hortons rookie season and he was skating through the neutral zone with his head bown. This was the last time the top of his head was viewed by the defenders. He was rocked in open ice. he broke a bunch of bones and believe was out for the rest of the season. Tim Horton never again skated with his head down. Lesson hard learned.
I am not sure what is in the coffee tho. Some sort of addicted substance is. You can tell cause if oyu make the coffee at home it is missing something. I believe it’s the secret addictive ingreedent that is probably illegal!
Well, it’s a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. “Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!”
I can’t wait for my Timmy’s!